Part of the “Thoughts Aloud” mini-series created jointly by the “Sofia Brotherhood” and the German foundation Renovabis, within the project “Contemporary Ukrainian Orthodoxy: Breaking Myths for Reconciliation and Societal Consolidation.” Statements do not necessarily represent the official view of the Sofia Brotherhood.
Volodymyr Mozhovyi, believer of the UOC (Sumy region)
Shame. Shame before children, parents, relatives, loved ones, and all reasonable Orthodox believers. This is the emotion nesting in my soul now. Shame for myself – because I am blind and do not see the truth of God, which I ought to defend. Shame for all of us, Ukrainian Orthodox believers, who have stumbled into this muck of conflict between brothers of the same faith. Shame that, supposed to be the spiritual compass of the Ukrainian people – our children, our spiritual godchildren – we set such a disgraceful example of “Christian love and virtue.” What would Christ say to us, Orthodox, seeing such shame and chaos in His house? Oh, we would get whipped like leeches.
Anger. Anger because we, those who should teach people unity, love, meekness, humility, mercy, faith, and truth, instead muddy the waters with deception, confusion, lies, patronage, grinders, crowbars, fists, revenge, and wrath. What is this? How can we reconcile? How can we stop? Who should humble themselves, speak up, defend? Is this not what God expects of us? Or is this it? No peace? Will this bickering escalate into mutual destruction? Does someone want to “win”? But how does “victory” differ from revenge?
So many questions fill my mind. Am I the only one? Why am I even doing this? I want to save the world, yet I cannot even save myself. But I learn. Still, a hope remains in my heart. That on holidays we could simply greet one another. That we won’t need to search for signage at the entrances of our churches. That we don’t ask our brethren: “Which church do you attend?” “OCU.” “I attend the UOC.” So, are you my brother or not? I do not want that. I go to the OCU only to bury fallen warrior-defenders – who, by the way, were all baptized in the UOC. I can no longer even bring myself to ask my adult children to go to the church they were nurtured in, because they consider it “Moscow-affiliated” without any evidence to the contrary – and so they’ve stopped attending any church altogether.
After reflecting on what practical action I, an ordinary layman, can take to promote unity among Orthodox Christians, I decided to alternate attending both the UOC and the OCU – and receiving Communion in both churches. Many people who aren’t well-versed in these invented jurisdictions do the same without hesitation. But I can’t simply run back and forth after seventeen years going to one temple and hearing sermons bashing schismatics. I must notify my priest from the UOC so I’m not deceiving him – though to be honest, I fear his reaction. Yes, this may be seen as betrayal of the UOC—but I don’t believe it is a sin before God. From what I understand, the OCU recognizes the sacraments of the UOC, so there should be no issue there.
Honestly, given this ecclesiastical chaos, I might stop attending any church myself – if not for the sacraments. It seems like the leadership of our churches holds Christ’s Body and Blood as leverage for political ends.
I don’t know how to bring people together, but unfortunately, I can’t watch all this passively – because there is a war, and I long for peace. Have two worlds, two civilizations, two opposing poles collided in Ukraine with no solution but war until a “buffer zone” separates them? I don’t want to believe it. At first I felt shame – now I feel sorrow. But thank God for everything.