Anna, St. Sophia Brotherhood
“And one of the elders answered and said unto me,
‘Who are these which are arrayed in white robes, and whence came they?’
And I said unto him, ‘My lord, thou knowest.’
And he said unto me, ‘These are they which came out of great tribulation,
and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.’”
— Revelation 7:13-14
“Now let me put a clean garment upon thy loins, and put a change of raiment upon thee.”
— Zechariah 3:4
Sometimes we must at least try to remove the stain ourselves—but in collaboration with God, for the path of repentance and holiness is a shared journey. On our own, nothing will change; yet without our consent, the Lord will not cleanse the sin-soiled garments we wear—He never overrides human will…
“Wash your own garments, and it’s better to do it by hand—not in a machine,” said my spiritual father. I couldn’t grasp the full meaning of this wordplay. Not everything can be said plainly; some truths must be hidden within metaphors.
Then suddenly I understood: yes, a washing machine is convenient—fast, effortless. Plug it in, press a button, and it spins. But real work—the kind where you plunge your hands into water and feel how dark it turns—reveals the truth. To scrub away sinful judgment with tears, to admit with humility: I made this stain. Hiding it with a beautiful headscarf, pious texts, or fervent prayer won’t work. That bright robe with the stain in the center—that is my heart: not yet learned to repent in confession, but to fling everything into the washing machine: quickly, generally, without awareness… Saying “I repent of…” is my formulaic confession—like the spinning drum: surface-clean, but untouched on the inside. True whitening of the heart means long, painful scrubbing.
But there are times when God Himself urges us to wash by hand. In those moments, everything slips away—fear, masks, my wordplay. A moment of trembling scrubbing with tears, hands in cold water trying to remove the stain that seeped inside, that I ignored thinking, “Can’t it just come out next time?” In that washing, I see my own shame, not the speck in my neighbor’s eye. This kind of washing is harder than automatic. But my hands are not alone—God’s are there too. The True Cleanser doesn’t stand by but teaches His daughter to wash: daily, moment by moment; not only during confession, but at any point in life. To stay silent in the face of anger, to listen at home, to wrap with a hug instead of irritation, to purposefully ignore others’ faults—this is hand-washing: in cold water, sweat on the brow, empowered by the grace of the Holy Spirit! It’s a cooperation, because He offers: “Let’s do this together. Don’t be afraid. I won’t leave you because of this stain… Just give Me your hands, and I will hold them, and together we will wash your robes.”
The path to Heaven and holiness is not automatic bleaching, but voluntary labor with Him and saying “Yes, I want this!” in response to His invitation. And when I say “Yes!”—whether through tears, soaking, or kneeling—I feel His fingers touching mine…and His Love washes what seems forever stained.
Understanding this, I no longer want to toss the same garment in the washing machine. I want to wash by hand, because I know: they cannot remove the stain alone… But with the Master, Who is able to turn the soiled robe into the radiant vestment of wedding joy… Amen.